So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
