college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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