i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
His nipple licking is glorious
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