I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
