Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
