The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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