Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
