I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
