i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
