I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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