whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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