1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
