I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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