Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
