can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
