You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
