i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
