You're completely useless in the revolution.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
