Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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