Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
