I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
