I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
