Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
