K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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