One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
