Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
