Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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