Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
