so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
