Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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