I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
