So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
