Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
