You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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