I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
