Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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