I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
