im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
