margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
