I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
