Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she smelled like a LAN party
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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