You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
