Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
