I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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