We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
