are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
