i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
