I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
