I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
