does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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