I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
