So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
